Journal Entries in the Waiting for the Birth Story….

8.23.13

“41 Weeks pregnant today. 🙂 Elijah and I are both healthy and happy. It is astounding the concern and anxiety others feel about me going over the 40 week “due date” (which is not an expiration date). Everyone assumes I’m miserable or need to be encouraged to “hang in there” but I am just fine. Yes, I’m ready to meet my son! But I resolved that the Lord knows his birthday and if Elijah is not yet in my arms there is a reason. Sure, there are plenty of reasons we could rationalize inducing labor but only out of sheer convenience would that be done. I have NO fear about my pregnancy. NO fear about labor. NO fear of anything any statistic or Google search might try to tell me. There are so many reasons why women feel so many negative emotions about the entire process of bringing life into the world but if there is one thing I am encouraged to know is that women have been doing this since the beginning and we are not some newly formed breed of women here in America. We just have a more fear-driven, Babylonian mentality and a desire for convenience than anything else. Strip away fear, take hold of “it’s not about me” and realize nothing worthwhile is going to be easy. Embrace the test. The most beautiful things come out of intense pressure and LIFE is one of those. :)”

8.24.13

“Have mercy on me, Lord. Forgive my doubt and unbelief. Forgive me for my idle words. We are beyond ready to meet our son! I do trust in Your plans, Lord! Help me to stay strong and know that there is nothing I can do to make Elijah come faster. Help me to know that there isn’t an old wives tale trick in the book that can speed things up. It is all in YOUR timing. Lord, give me the strength and wisdom to get through this day and not let anything affect my belief or peace. I may not fully understand now, but I know I will someday, in this life or when it is made known to me in heaven. Father, protect me. Shield my heart. Please give Jeff strength, courage and a renewed faith as well. I want to meet our son today. Father! Help me to see the light and to endure by faith in Your plan.”

8.25.13 – I will NOT doubt… James 1:2

41 weeks and 3 days but I will NOT doubt. Lord, I know You are working all things for our good because we love You! (Romans 8:28) Father, we may not understand now why Elijah wasn’t born before Jeff started fire school but I ask You for wisdom and understanding in this so that we can be sure ALL decisions we are making concerning our finances and choices of work are in Your will. Is Jeff not supposed to go to fire school? The thought of him staying home with us makes my heart leap and pressure is removed from my mind instantly. It’s amazing how this trial in our lives has taken such a turn of perspective for me this morning. I’ve felt so much pressure to have Elijah before Jeff’s school starts/insurance runs out and placed full responsiblity in MY own faith, trust, belief and seeking the Lord concerning this labor & delivery that I never stopped to think if Jeff was possibly being called by the Lord as much (or more) than me! He’s already facing the reality that although income won’t be there and insurance for our family won’t be there, still neither will he. Lord, what am I noticing here? Regardless of what *I* notice, if he can’ see it…..I sure don’t know how to tell him! Father work in his heart! I don’t want to have to travel down this path if it isn’t necessary. I want to stay in YOUR will for our lives! Are we meant to be in Advocare both full time? The way I see it, Fire school will always be an option if Jeff chooses…but this TIME with one another we can never get back.  [[[Then I was given a perfect chart comparing Jeff’s job at that time with his Fire School in comparison with our Advocare business.]]] Lord, let us not just be hearers of the word, but doers also. James 1:22-25.”

***This journal entry went on in more detail and I felt led to have Jeff read it thoroughly and pray about it. He read it, went out to mow the lawn and when he came back he let me know that he wouldn’t be starting Fire School the next morning. That dream would be postponed…….***